The Kind of Leave Where You Never Come Back

This amused me.
Good Day, Katharine!
Can you provide the last day of work for Mr. _____ _____ (xxx-xx-xxxx)?
Also, Prudential needs to confirm the type of Leave for Mr. _____ (i.e. personal or medical). Let me know if you have any questions.
Thanks
Charles
Charles-
Mr. _____’s last day at work was 09/26/06. Also, he is dead, not on leave. Please [...]

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An Apache Helicopter

As I believe I’ve mentioned elsewhere, Richard is extremely quotable. These aren’t your run-of-the-mill quotes, though. These are less Yeats and more Yogi Berra. Here are a few gems I’ve been saving up over the past few weeks:
Richard has been staring out of the window, dreamily, for a good, solid five minutes.Me: Whatcha thinking about [...]

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Colorful

I’m not quite sure what this means: “Wow, you look really colorful today…”

I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not. I mean, would you take that as a compliment? Maybe if I was aiming for “colorful,” then I wouldn’t even be thinking about this. But somehow “colorful” is resonating in my mind as an [...]

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Hair Misadventures

While poking around tonight on YouTube, I found this amazing video of two of the great modern masters, Yo Yo Ma (the cellist) and El Gran Ástor, Ástor Piazzolla (the bandoneon player). If this doesn’t move you, then you’re made of stone:
I think most people have heard of Yo Yo Ma, but Ástor Piazzolla is [...]

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BBQ?

This is a great website, but…man:
…and I thought I was an asshole. Can you imagine receiving this from someone on the street? Or, more likely, from somebody in an Urban Outfitters who’s trying way too hard to fit into the whole emo scene but in whom you can still see the glimmers of an angry, [...]

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Engrish

As a person who is somewhat (okay, very) anal-retentive about the proper usage of the English language, its grammar, its punctuation and its spelling, working for a foreign-owned company whose global corporate office sends out hilariously-translated memos and other errata amuses me to no end. Today, I received this gem:
This message is to confirm you [...]

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Nine Times?

Because there’s not enough douchbaggery in the real world:

10 Great Big Movie Douchebags

He’s just leading you down the primrose path…

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Geography

I came across an interesting map today (yes, maps can be interesting) here: States Renamed for Countries With Similar GDPs .

And here’s a (really crappy) picture of the map for those of you too lazy to click:

While California may have bested us in this particular economic category, I’d still rather be Canada than France any [...]

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Define:Irony

On Friday, I tripped and fell. Actually, it was more like I went ass-over-teakettle and bit it, hard, in front of the entire department, all of whom were gathered to celebrate a fellow co-worker’s birthday. I mean, drink-in-my-hand-flying-everywhere, bruised-and-rugburned-knees, sprained-ankle, down-for-the-count bit it. And since it was only my second week on the job, I’m [...]

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AH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!

Man, I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried. From a Worker’s Comp report I was reviewing today:

Per patient report, injury occurred prior to care in our facility. Mr. ________ was lifting a vibrator weighing 100 lbs. when he felt sudden pain in his back.

Really, now?

Currently being sought for questioning.

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I Ain’t Saying She A Golddigger…

Why am I wholly unsurprised that this lovely little nugget of a story came out of Dallas? Granted, it was written and published in my hometown newspaper (seriously, I might as well live in Legoland or Smurf Village given the quality of our newspaper; it’s a total joke), but it was completely inspired by the [...]

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Hot, Warm, Nervous Hands

Woody Guthrie is deeply underappreciated.
Remember The Mountain Bed
Do you still sing of the mountain bed we made of limbs and leaves:Do you still sigh there near the sky where the holly berry bleeds:You laughed as I covered you over with leaves, face, breast, hips and thighs.You smiled when I said the leaves were just the [...]

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The Horror, The Horror

After many years of being a faithful and devoted Outlook user, I find myself forced to become intimately acquainted with that coelacanth of the IBM era: Lotus Notes.

I loved Outlook. No, you don’t understand. I loved Outlook. I had a special bond with Outlook, a symbiotic relationship, a knowledge that no matter where I went [...]

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Leonard Cohen

Well, after many moons of posting blogs on another site, I’ve decided to transfer them over here to lovely Blogger, which I once utilized and then callously abandoned about three years ago. Unlike Myspace, Blogger is actually accessible here at work and — what a sad commentary this is — I do most of my [...]

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Thank you, come again!

In the ongoing, agonizing struggle to free myself from the townhome that I was leasing (very little of which I’ve bothered to complain about on here because: provokes anger), I had what I thought would be the final walkthrough tonight with the leasing agent and the new tenants. The new tenants are nice enough, I [...]

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Lumbergh

Okay, I only have a little bit of juice left on this thing today, but here we go:
So, I quit my job at Neighborhood Centers last Friday. I think we all know that by now. Everyone, apparently, except my old boss. On a whim while at my new job this past Thursday, I logged onto [...]

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