Stolen Memes

Literary memes are pretty irresistable to me, folks.  If you’re even vaguely interested, read on.  If not, the next post is just right down the page there…  There you go…  Keep scrolling…

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Only The Penitent Man Shall Pass

Tonight I have decided to make a list. I enjoy list-making. It helps you center your priorities and focus on things which might otherwise slip away into some lonely non-list-having realm. I should also mention that I am quite drunk. Henceforth, some of what I may type may or may not make sense. That’s a [...]

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xkcd

Due to a total lack of creativity on my part for the past few days, I’ve decided to post some of my all-time favorite comics from xkcd. Enjoy!

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Odds and Ends

A few things I’ve been meaning to put down before they get rudely shoved aside in my mind by intrusive thoughts of the butterscotch milkshake I’m craving or dress fitting appointments or JDE invoicing or whatever else might randomly slip in:
Random Compliments That I’ve Received Lately and To Which I Have Not Known How To [...]

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A Shout In The Street

I blame Pancho for this one:

You’re Ulysses! by James Joyce
Most people are convinced that you don’t make any sense, but compared to what else you could say, what you’re saying now makes tons of sense. What people do understand about you is your vulgarity, which has convinced people that you are at once brilliant and [...]

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Dzien dobry! Nazywam sie Elzbieta.

Ed. Note: I meant to post this on Monday, but I was either really busy or really drunk or really lazy…take your pick.
There was a fierce tranny in my local Starbucks this morning. She looked like a young Amanda Lepore, complete with huge red lips, long blonde hair and kicky stilettos. I’m not quite sure [...]

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Back in Black

I spent eight hours today at an HR compliance seminar — sounds like a doozy, right? But this was the most bizzarre, completely awesome HR seminar I’ve ever been to (and, sadly, I’ve been to many). It began innocuously enough: a hotel meeting room with a name like “Sierra” or “Diamond” or “Martinique” or some [...]

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Gifted

This is my family:

My grandmother and grandfather both have Master’s degrees in English.
My cousin is a performer with the Cirque de Soleil.
My aunt is an opera singer.
My uncle is a Pulitzer-prize winning poet and author.
My other uncle is a marathoner and triathelete.
My mother is a chef.
My other aunt has her Doctorate in history, is a [...]

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Mad Max: Beyond Odessa

Sometimes, you just have one of those days…or weeks…or months that seems interminable. Mired in monotony and vicious cycles of paperwork, you can easily begin to lose sight of why you even go to work every morning in the first place. You start having illogical thoughts like, “I don’t need a paycheck — I don’t [...]

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Really?

In the second of a…well…two-part series on Google searches, I present the latest random search that led someone to this page: a Dutch gentleman (or perhaps a lady) in Utrecht searches for “barbie grits winkle” at 5:03 a.m. and lands here instead.
Can someone out there can clue me in to the hidden meaning of [...]

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Lederhosen Copulation

I’ve noticed a recent rise in web traffic from people doing Google searches and ending up here. Mostly, the Google searches are for the lyrics to “Golden State” by John Doe. I appear to be the only person on earth who’s actually sat down and transcribed those lyrics on the internet. WTF? [...]

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Groovy, Baby

I would pay good money to see the Mike Flowers Pops cover every single song ever made. They are made of pure, swinging awesomeness.

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Sound Off

It looks like I’ll be hitting the road tonight, driving up to Dallas for some family matters. I truly loathe Dallas and find it very unfortunate that so many of my family members have chosen to reside there instead of, well, any other place in the world. Dallas is a pit, a void; I don’t [...]

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Conversations With God, Part II: Wherein God Displays His Pervy Asshole Side

Me: Hello, Lord.
God: Hello there. Do you still ?
Me: No, I leave that to Anheuser-Busch.
God: Are you serious? Do you mind if I tell other people: said leave that to Anheuser Busch.
Me: Yes, I’m serious. Why would I brew beer at home when I can buy it already made? I’m far too lazy for homebrewing.
God: [...]

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Conversations With God

It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who experiences great yawning periods of workday boredom and turns to the Internet for stimulation. My friends Wes and Jacque turned not only to the Internet today, but also to God:

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Mmm…beer

I guess 64% ain’t too shabby.
Your Score: The Beer Geek
64% …So you think you know it all?

A highly-evolved drinking machine always running quests to quench your palette, you are The Beer Geek!
You love beer, all kinds of beer. You may not know the intricacies of how beer is made nor its history but you’re trying. [...]

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