I Am Such An Asshole

I was just thinking to myself the other day, “Wow.  It’s been a long time since I’ve publicly embarassed myself at work.  Go me!“  Alas, I thought too soon.

Today, in the break room as we were all huddled around the leftover chips and queso from the executive lunch buffet down the hall, I decided to make small talk with Ted.  I asked him how his recent trip to England had been and stupidly prattled on about how my fiance is from there, can’t wait to go myself, blah blah fishcakes.  Ted simply stared at me for a few beats (as was everyone else at this point) and then finally spits out:

“I’m Alan.  Ted is the other black guy who works here.”

Oh, rock!  Where are you when I need you to provide a nook for me to crawl under?  And what is wrong with me?

Also, Alan totally stole that line from the Queen Latifah/SNL Excedrin: Racial Tension Headache commercial, dammit.