Why I Think I’ve Grown As A Person

I love and am married to a man despite the fact that he does not share — even in a single, tiny way — the deep and abiding devotion that I have for The Royal Tenenbaums and Lou Reed.
I should get a Nobel prize for this.

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Happy Leap Year

As I walked out one evening,
Walking down Bristol Street,
The crowds upon the pavement
Were fields of harvest wheat.
And down by the brimming river
I heard a lover sing
Under an arch of the railway:
“Love has no ending.
“I’ll love you, dear, I’ll love you
Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the mountain
And the salmon sing in the [...]

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Catch-22

I am so hungry right now.  I am so hungry that I could tear sheets off my desk calendar and eat them.  I am so hungry that the little pushpins on my bulletin board are starting to resemble tiny, delicious berries.
I was so nervous last night that I couldn’t eat anything besides half a tomato [...]

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I Just Can’t Help Myself

Fresh off a three-week ban from FARK, which was fresh off a two-week ban, which was fresh off a three-day ban, I’ve now managed to get myself banned for a whopping six weeks.  The ban also came with this email:
K:
Looks like you’re banned for the next six weeks. You were on quite a roll today.
-Moderator
None [...]

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Cremaster

Apropos of absolutely nothing (except, perhaps, for listening to a lot of Bjork), I’ve been having very strong urges to see Matthew Barney’s Cremaster Cycle yet again.

Should I see a physician for this or something?

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An Updated Valentine

Alright, my little bluebirds, your voices were heard and I now have a completely, brand-spanking-new 90s mix tape for you:
New And Improved!
I included almost every band I could think of off the top of my head, as well as your suggestions, and even bands/songs which I deeply and truly hate (…Dave Matthews Band, I’m looking [...]

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

My friend Jessica used to make the most badass mix tapes.  She’d dig up music that none of us had ever heard before and proudly present it on homemade mix tapes with completely nonsensical names like “I Wish You Weren’t A Liar” and “$0.02″ and “Małe Kartofle” (pronounced “maow-eh kar-toff-lay”, Polish for “small potatoes”).  I [...]

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Confession

In yet another embarassing turn in my world of bizarre celebrity crushes (starting with Michael Biehn and progressing through Peter Weller, Alan Rickman and Jake Weber), I have a new celebrity crush that is, perhaps, the most bizarre one yet: Bryan Cranston.  Yes, that Bryan Cranston; he of Seinfeld dentistry and browbeaten Hal fame.
Seriously?  What [...]

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Jerry Springer Meets the Health Insurance Industry

Towards the end of a long phone conversation today with one of my field reps, I came across this conversational gem:
Rep:  …so, anyway, the reason I ask is that his daughter’s pregnant and the doctor’s office is saying that the insurance won’t cover the pregnancy.  Do you think it’s because she’s fifteen?
Me:  Her age doesn’t have anything to [...]

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It’s Worth It

I guess I can say that at least one small thing I’ve written over the years has been officially published…
The Houston: It’s Worth It book hit the shelves back in October 2007 and — like the bad procrastinator I’ve been lately — I haven’t even bothered to check it out yet, even though I hear [...]

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Super Tuesday, Now With Extra Super

Way to do us proud, fellow Texans:
Super Tuesday not for Bexar voters
SAN ANTONIO — All the talk about Super Tuesday apparently caused confusion for many voters in Bexar County.
More than 1,000 calls poured into the Bexar County Elections Department on Monday from voters wanting to know where they could vote in Tuesday’s primary.
Problem is — [...]

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