Reaching New Nadirs

I have about had it with expensive bags (or purses or whatever you want to call them).  It’s one thing to own a nice, well-constructed, chic bag that makes you feel happy and goes with all of your outfits.  It’s another thing to spend four times your mortgage payment on a bag.
For example:  The Legacy [...]

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Why I Hate Credit Cards

I don’t like credit cards.  I don’t like the entire notion of the credit system here in America.  It’s too easily disrupted, skewed, abused and heavily-relied upon in general.  It’s a huge scam that we’ve all bought into, but…it’s also not going anywhere any time soon.
The one small, tiny thing that I do to combat [...]

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Catch-22

I am so hungry right now.  I am so hungry that I could tear sheets off my desk calendar and eat them.  I am so hungry that the little pushpins on my bulletin board are starting to resemble tiny, delicious berries.
I was so nervous last night that I couldn’t eat anything besides half a tomato [...]

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Here’s A Thought…

When I bcc you on an email out of professional courtesy — so that you can see how a certain situation involving one of your employees is proceeding, even though you’re really not supposed to have this much detail about said situation at your level of involvement and I could get in a lot of trouble for [...]

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When The Phone Rings, I Hide

Because of doofuses like this…
Me:  How are you doing today, Mr. Doe?
John Doe:  Fine.  But I have a big problem with my retiree medical insurance.
Me:  Okay, and what seems to be the problem?
John Doe:  I’m afraid that I’m going to lose my coverage.
Me:  Well, I show here that you’re covered through the end of this [...]

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Thanks A Lot, Assholes

Due to recent events, upon which I am unable to elaborate, my company has decided not to distribute bonuses to the rank-and-file employees this year. Thanks.
However, the upper-level executives wouldn’t be upper-level executives without a little bit of cunning under their belts, would they? And so they have decided amongst themselves to give [...]

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*head explodes*

From today’s riveting article: “UH film entries still win with proffesor (sic)”
I remain more convinced than ever that the Chronicle is like the vast wasteland where journalists who simply couldn’t cut it elsewhere end up, like T.S. Eliot’s straw men.
Also?  It couldn’t hurt to invest in a program that offers some kind of spell check.  [...]

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Fanning the Flames

It’s not enough that the Chronicle ran an op-ed two days ago denigrating Joe Horn and then placed the op-ed front and center on their website, in a subversive attempt to pass it off as an actual news story instead of an editorial.  And it’s not enough that they (and the rest of the Houston mainstream [...]

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Only Assholes Read The New Yorker, Anyway

In my daily stack of office mail today, there was an angry letter from a disgruntled retiree.  This is a daily occurance; in fact, I believe that I could create a standard form letter for them to just fill in with the appropriate personal information and then sign.  It would save us all a lot of [...]

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A Role Model For Our Time

In today’s ongoing trend of proving negative stereotypes true, we have this gem courtesy of a New York Times article on a rather Caligulan “ritual” that apparently occurs during half-time at every Jets’ game in Giants Stadium.  I’ve taken the liberty of highlighting the juicy bits for you (what I consider the best bit is underlined and in [...]

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Geography 101

Houston Chronicle staffers, get out your Big Chief tablets and number two pencils.  It’s time for a quick geography lesson.
3 bodies found in Ft. Worth home
FORT WORTH — Three bodies have been found in a Fort Worth home.
Police won’t say how or when they died or release any information on their gender or ages.
But police [...]

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Bread and Circuses

This embodies everything I hate about modern Christian churches:
Thou Shalt Not Kill, Except in a Popular Video Game at Church
According to the article by the New York Times,  churches across the United States have started having Halo 3 tournaments to draw more young men into their youth groups and Sunday services.  While I’m not going [...]

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Lady Bears Beat…A Woman In a Park?

Fellow Bears! We have yet another feather in our cap:
Two Baylor Athletes Arrested In Woman’s Beating
And the kicker here is…the athletes were also female.  Trés ladylike.  Baylor truly is admitting some class acts into their hallowed halls these days.  And just for good measure, here are the lovelies themselves:

We have Latara on the left and [...]

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I Don’t Think This Is What Horace Greeley Meant

It’s a sad day, folks:
River Oaks Demolition Today
This has been a long time coming, but it doesn’t make it any easier.  There’s so much I love about my city — the multiculturalism, the culinary adventures, the warmth and acceptance of the residents – but this is not one of them.  Houston should be ashamed of itself, as [...]

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Dr. Spock Would Not Approve, My Overly-Tanned Friend

This morning at Starbucks, I had the great fortune of being in line behind a lovely specimen of the local breed of housewife:
Memorial BarbieThis yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of Rolls Royce convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are [...]

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A Rose By Any Other Name

What’s in a name?  A question I fear was not posed by parents of years past while pondering the breadth and variety of available names for the people below* who were once tiny, nameless babies.  If, after much deliberation, the parent found that a name to suit their child was simply nonexistent, their “creativity” sprung [...]

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FAIL

Just a short one tonight…
If you’re seriously taking this quiz and – more importantly – if the answer is “yes,” you need to do the world a favor and leap off a bridge into oncoming traffic.  And if I need to explain why to any of you, give me a call so I can come over and [...]

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Hey! Pepto-Bismol!

One of the few things that you look forward to when you’re at work for twelve hours straight is going into the office kitchen area and rooting around for leftovers from lunch.  Okay, maybe that’s just me.  Don’t judge me!
Anyway, I waddled into the kitchen tonight and there on one of the counters was a [...]

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