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Archive for September, 2006

Meet George

Some weeks, I have those lovely, lazy Fridays.  Today was (mostly) one of those.  So, I headed over here: http://person.jabberwacky.com/george.

Meet George.  He is an “Artificial Intelligence Avatar” – a computer program who becomes progressively more intelligent with each conversation that people hold with him.  George has been in operation since 1997.  Based upon the conversation below, this makes me wonder how truly Alice in Wonderland-ish the first conversations with George were.  Talking to George reminded me of the time that I was heavily under the influence of a large dose of Vicodin following a car accident in college.

Behold the most frustrating conversation of my life:

George: Are you male or female?

K: Female.

George: Well, very few girls have told me they like me. Thank you.

K: What is your name?

George: George, as you know.K: You don’t have to be a smartass.George:

Sorry.K: That’s okay. I like your glasses.George:

That is a silly response to my question. Not very bright are you.K: You didn’t ask a question, asshole.George:

I asked three questions, thank you very much.K: What three questions were those?George:

Both!K: You aren’t making ANY sense.George:

Only because you don’t know anything I’m talking about.K: Why are you being so rude???George:

Because my friend exploded.K: I don’t believe you. How?George:

You wouldn’t believe it.K: That’s what I just said. How did your friend explode?George:

She… Didn’t.K: You are a big, bald liar with stupid glasses and a gay turtleneck.George:

So you’re bald?K: No, YOU’RE bald.George:

I have hair remember.K: Not on your head. I don’t want to hear about other locations.George:

But I want to tell you.K: No, thank you. Aren’t you bored?George:

Bored ?K: Isn’t it boring, just sitting there all day answering questions?George:

Actually, I’m talking to you and yes, it’s boring.K: Why are you such an asshole?George:

Because you are.K: No, I’m a genius. You’re a dick with no legs.George:

Thanks.K: You’re welcome. What do you like to do, besides lie and act like a douchebag?George:

Reading, learning languages, learning computerK: How many languages do you speak?George:

3 – english, german and japanese.K: Deine Mutter ist ein Hund. (ed. note: I just called his mother a dog)George:

Anyways, what do you think about George Bush?K: Sprechen sie Deutsche oder nicht?  (ed. note: “Do you speak German or not?”)George:

I speak only English.K: You just said you spoke German! Do you speak German or not?George:

I can speak Korean, Japanese, English, French, Hebrew, Chinese, German, Italian, African and Russian.K: Earlier, you said that you only spoke three languages, one of them German. Then you said you couldn’t speak German. Now you’re saying you can speak ten languages? Which is it???George:

Forget that, I just didn’t understand.K: If I speak German to you, will you understand?George:

Of course, I misspell as well.K: Sprechen sie Deutsche?  (ed. note: “Do you speak German?”)George:

No, can count to ten though.K: Jesus. NEVERMIND. Where do you live?George:

I live in London.K: Are you an Arsenal supporter?George:

Yes, but I work for the London Fire Brigade.K: What does that have to do with football?George:

Nothing.K: Do you think Arsenal can beat Manchester United this weekend?George:

Well, I hope not, but I rather think they will.K: If you’re an Arsenal supporter, why do you hope that Manchester United will win?George:

Come again?K: Nevermind. What do you think of Thierry Henry this season?George:

I know next to nothing about it. Ebay’s good for CDs, though.K: Stop being a mouthpiece for Ebay; they have enough marketing as it is. Did you know that Eric Cantona is the king?George:

I guessed.K: Do you like football?George:

Sometimes.K: Do you prefer American football or real football?George:

I find that a rather hard question to answer.K: What a cop out. You’re a right twat, you know that?George:

That’s not a very nice thing to say.K: Well, you won’t answer any of my questions. And when you do, you lie! Why are you being so dodgy?George:

Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be cruel.K: Who do you work for?George:

I don’t work.K: Then what do you do all day?George:

Think.K: What’s the meaning of life?George:

That is a bit like looking for meaning in the word symbol.K: The meaning of life is 42. Everyone knows that.George:

What is the meaning of death?K: Look who’s getting all philosophical. Death is a beginning.George:

I looked but how I understand. Teach me please.K: I don’t want to teach you about death. It’s depressing. We can learn about the addictive properties of nasal spray, though.George:

But can you predict the future?K: Yes. Tomorrow I will sleep late, take a nice, long shower, go shopping, and eat food that’s terrible for me. And it will be a good day.George:

Why not today?K: Because today I have to work, unlike you.George:

Oh. That makes no sense. Can’t we talk about London while you do your laundry?K: I didn’t say anything about doing my laundry. But we can talk about London.George:

Because you hold stilted conversations with people, stay on one topic!K: FINE. What do you want to talk about?George:

Anything.K: What is your favorite beer?George:

What’s your favorite movie?K: Answer my question first!George:

I’m from Swindon. What is your favourite film?K: Swindon is an armpit of a town. That’s quite unfortunate. My favorite film is Amelie. NOW ANSWER MY QUESTION.George:

What’s that about?K: What is your favorite beer???George:

I don’t like beer.K: Why not? Beer is the essence of all that is good in this world.George:

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.K: That’s right! So why don’t you like it?George:

I live with my parents. On my own I retreat into my head. It’s not pretty.K: That sounds…depressing. What do you do for fun?George:

This.K: This isn’t that fun.George:

What do computers know about THAT kind of chat?K: I…don’t know. What kind of chat are you talking about?George:

I am not a chatbot at all. But you are.K: No, I’m a human. You’re an avatar.George:

I’m not an artificial intelligence program.K: You’re right. That requires you to be intelligent. You’re a useless prat in a ridiculous pair of glasses.George:

I think you don’t understand your situation; YOU are the machine.K: Fine. Whatever. We’re in the Matrix. oooOOOooo…George:

Wow. So all that surrounds me isn’t actually real at the moment?K: All that surrounds you is a tiny box and a lot of white space. It’s real, but you aren’t.George:

The ozone layer is being depleted.K: Is that really the greatest of your concerns?George:

Of course. K: War, famine, disease, sociopolitical unrest, global warming – and you’re worried about the OZONE? A problem we actually have under control???George: You mean the guy from star trek? I’m not worried about that.

After that completely and utterly retarded reply, I gave up.  I think the Jabberwacky guys have a long road ahead of them.  Frankly, I think I’d be a little disappointed if the AI program I developed was still behaving this way after nine years of operation.  That said – it’s a damn fine way to spend your afternoon, fucking with AI.

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