Rolling Stone recently released its list of 20 Most Annoying Songs, which I’ve included for your reading pleasure below. I really couldn’t find any fault at all with the list, so…spot on, Rolling Stone. You still know your shit…sometimes.
Some of them make me want to cringe and/or vomit after reading only the first syllable. I mean, I saw “Mac–” and that was enough for me. I was instantly transported back to 1997, a terribly awkward and annoying time in and of itself, and to the memory of doing the Macarena at my 16th birthday party, all flailing limbs and Elaine Bennett dance moves. Why? Why???
Basically anything by Nickelback belongs on this list, I think you’ll agree. For the love of all things holy, I can’t understand why this band is so popular. The lead singer looks like the bastard offspring of Sammy Hagar and a quarterhorse. Not exactly cream-inducing. And the music itself…ugh. Words literally fail me. I can’t describe how awful and mass-produced and insulting it is without my head caving in. Let’s move on.
There was a brief moment in time where I actually liked James Blunt. My friend Julia burned me a James Blunt CD long before he hit the airwaves here and as I drove away from her house with it playing in the car, I thought, This guy isn’t bad! Not exactly a strong sentiment, but I certainly didn’t hate him. And then commerical radio ruined him like they do everything else. Aside from overplaying that goddamn song to death, they also exposed the sad fact that James was a one-trick pony with as much depth as a petri dish.
The only song I was sad to see didn’t make the list is the putrescence that is Pachelbel’s Canon in D. I would rather drive rusty nails under my fingernails than listen to that shit at one more wedding, gala, Christmas party, or anywhere else that lame string quartets with limited gig books hired by idiots who have no real appreciation for classical music exist. Back when I was still gigging (and that, folks, is officially a loooooong time ago), I always made it a point to tell the people hiring us that Canon in D was not in our repertoire and — so sad! so sorry! — we simply didn’t know it well enough to play it from memory. I had also ripped all of the copies of the sheet music out of our gig books for good measure. I fucking hate that song with all of my being.
So, without further ado, the list:
1. Black Eyed Peas, My Humps
2. Los Del Rio, Macarena
3. Baha Men, Who Let The Dogs Out
4. Celine Dion, My Heart Will Go On
5. Nickelback, Photograph
6. Lou Bega, Mambo No. 5
7. James Blunt, You’re Beautiful
8. Spice Girls, Wannabe
9. Sisqo, The Thong Song
10. Cher, Believe
11. Aqua, Barbie Girl
12. Chumbawumba, Tub Thumper
13. Rednex, Cotton-Eyed Joe
14. Eiffel 65, Blue
15. Crash Test Dummies, Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
16. Meatloaf, I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)
17. ‘NSYNC, Bye, Bye, Bye
18. Ricky Martin, Livin’ La Vida Loca
19. Semisonic, Closing Time
20. Wham!, Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go