Archive for February, 2008

I love and am married to a man despite the fact that he does not share — even in a single, tiny way — the deep and abiding devotion that I have for The Royal Tenenbaums and Lou Reed.

I should get a Nobel prize for this.


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Happy Leap Year

As I walked out one evening,
Walking down Bristol Street,
The crowds upon the pavement
Were fields of harvest wheat.

And down by the brimming river
I heard a lover sing
Under an arch of the railway:
“Love has no ending.

“I’ll love you, dear, I’ll love you
Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the mountain
And the salmon sing in the street,

“I’ll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
Like geese about the sky.

“The years shall run like rabbits,
For in my arms I hold
The Flower of the Ages,
And the first love of the world.”

But all the clocks in the city
Began to whirr and chime:
“O let not Time deceive you,
You cannot conquer Time.

“In the burrows of the Nightmare
Where Justice naked is,
Time watches from the shadow
And coughs when you would kiss.

“In headaches and in worry
Vaguely life leaks away,
And Time will have his fancy
To-morrow or to-day.

“Into many a green valley
Drifts the appalling snow;
Time breaks the threaded dances
And the diver’s brilliant bow.

“O plunge your hands in water,
Plunge them in up to the wrist;
Stare, stare in the basin
And wonder what you’ve missed.

“The glacier knocks in the cupboard,
The desert sighs in the bed,
And the crack in the tea-cup opens
A lane to the land of the dead.

“Where the beggars raffle the banknotes
And the Giant is enchanting to Jack,
And the Lily-white Boy is a Roarer,
And Jill goes down on her back.

“O look, look in the mirror?
O look in your distress:
Life remains a blessing
Although you cannot bless.

“O stand, stand at the window
As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
With your crooked heart.”

It was late, late in the evening,
The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming,
And the deep river ran on.

“As I Walked Out One Evening” — W. H. Auden

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I am so hungry right now.  I am so hungry that I could tear sheets off my desk calendar and eat them.  I am so hungry that the little pushpins on my bulletin board are starting to resemble tiny, delicious berries.

I was so nervous last night that I couldn’t eat anything besides half a tomato sandwich.  Not very filling.  And I was so nervous this morning that I could only take two bites of a banana.  Also not very filling.

And now here it is, less than six hours prior to surgery, that goddamned window of time when I’m not allowed to eat or drink anything at all — not even water — and I’m fucking starving.

What’s worse, I know that I won’t be able to eat anything for at least a half-day after the surgery, because I’ll be so doped up and/or in pain.  So the next time I eat will be…Saturday morning?  Jesus.  And even then, it’ll be hard to get or keep anything down.

Maybe I can turn this into a religious fast or something.  Heh.

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I Just Can’t Help Myself

Fresh off a three-week ban from FARK, which was fresh off a two-week ban, which was fresh off a three-day ban, I’ve now managed to get myself banned for a whopping six weeks.  The ban also came with this email:


Looks like you’re banned for the next six weeks. You were on quite a roll today.


None of my bannings have ever come with an email before.  I feel quite pleased with myself today.

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Apropos of absolutely nothing (except, perhaps, for listening to a lot of Bjork), I’ve been having very strong urges to see Matthew Barney’s Cremaster Cycle yet again.

Should I see a physician for this or something?

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An Updated Valentine

Alright, my little bluebirds, your voices were heard and I now have a completely, brand-spanking-new 90s mix tape for you:

New And Improved!

I included almost every band I could think of off the top of my head, as well as your suggestions, and even bands/songs which I deeply and truly hate (…Dave Matthews Band, I’m looking at you) in an effort to bring you a 90s extravaganza of music.

You will note, however, that I still have not included any Soundgarden.  Suck it, Chris Cornell!

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

My friend Jessica used to make the most badass mix tapes.  She’d dig up music that none of us had ever heard before and proudly present it on homemade mix tapes with completely nonsensical names like “I Wish You Weren’t A Liar” and “$0.02” and “Małe Kartofle” (pronounced “maow-eh kar-toff-lay”, Polish for “small potatoes”).  I kept all of them and still listen to them when I need to be reminded of good friends and better times.

I miss mix tapes.  I mean, sure, you can burn a CD these days but all the effort put into it seems diminished somehow.  You download a song off iTunes — one that’s already been rated and reviewed for you by other users — and toss it into a folder and let the burner rip.  There’s something missing.  Something about digging and pawing through stacks of random LPs and tapes and CDs at the record store, looking for something that strikes you.  Buying the entire thing and taking it home and digesting it as a whole.  Slowly picking out your favorite songs and tracks.  And then finally sitting down and beginning the laborious process of transferring one song at a time — from twelve or fifteen or thirty different albums — onto one little tape.

And it’s no secret that I’m a big fan of 90s music.  Grunge, post-grunge, punk rock, alternative rock (before disgusting posers like Nickelback and 3 Doors Down ruined that genre…): all good, all golden.  These were my high school days and college days and halcyon days of cheap concerts and late nights and a complete lack of real world worries or responsibilities.  It makes sense that I’d love the soundtrack to times like those.

With that in mind, my little barn swallows, I’ve made a 90s mix tape for you all.  It’s not the good, old-fashioned kind of mix tape; I had to resort to technology.  But I hope you enjoy it, as my Valentine to all of you faithful readers out there.

90s Mix Tape Madness

What’s that?  There’s no Soundgarden on there?  That’s because I hate them.  Don’t question the mix tape!

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