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Archive for the ‘Baylor’ Category

Website of the day:  http://www.rottenneighbor.com

What a lovely, voyeuristic tool this is.  And it makes me feel so much better to know that other people out there have horror stories that easily put mine to shame.  My neighbor’s three tiny, yippy, constantly-barking dogs are nothing compared to skeevy Peeping Toms or the stench of death from a creepy backyard.

Funnily enough, there isn’t a single complaint or grouse listed within my ZIP code.  I don’t think this means that we necessarily have nicer-than-average neighbors; I just think that they fear retribution. (more…)

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It Ain’t Me, Babe

There’s something about getting married that makes you reexamine your past relationships with fresh eyes, whether you intend to or not.

I was sitting in my office this afternoon, making address labels and generally minding my own business.  Absolutely nothing was going through my head except the satiny-rough sounds of Pearl Jam’s Vitalogy streaming through my headphones.  “Corduroy” came on, a song which I must have listened to roughly eleventy-bazillion times in the past five years, and — out of nowhere — there I was.  And there he was.

It was a sudden, intensely strong flashback to January 2002.  My heart started beating fiercely in my chest and I got the same sick, panicky feeling in my stomach that I always got on the dwindling occasions that I would see him towards the end of our relationship.  I hadn’t thought of him at all in years, except to periodically throw out a snide reference to him in passing, like the punchline to a bad joke:  “Oh, yeah?   Well, I dated my college professor.”

I can pinpoint with the kind of accuracy reserved for assassinations and armistices the exact beginning of our ultimately doomed relationship, right down to what I was wearing that afternoon, what I’d had for lunch, what the floors looked like, what the hallway smelled like: every minor, unimportant detail of that day crystallized by a year of bad decisions.

He held the door open for me as I ran into his classroom that day, late.  I was never late to classes, except for that one lousy class on that one afternoon.  “Nice of you to join us,” he half-sneered at me as I walked past him.  His eyes lingered on me uncomfortably as I rushed to grab a seat next to my friend Rachel.  She noted this with a Cheshire Cat grin as I sat down, flustered.  He continued to stare at me, openly and greedily, as I struggled to avoid eye contact.  Who in the fuck did he think he was?  I’d never been looked at like that, like I was prey.  And I don’t think that I have been since.

It was intoxicating. (more…)

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Fellow Bears! We have yet another feather in our cap:

Two Baylor Athletes Arrested In Woman’s Beating

And the kicker here is…the athletes were also female.  Trés ladylike.  Baylor truly is admitting some class acts into their hallowed halls these days.  And just for good measure, here are the lovelies themselves:

We have Latara on the left and Ashlee on the right.  That’s it…smile for the cameras, ladies.  And for losing your scholarships and chances at your respective futures.  And for continuing to sully our already beleaguered athletic department.  Thanks for all that you do.

But, hey — at least they didn’t kill their victim, right?

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P.I.M.P.

I think that by now, you all know how awesome I am.  But things just got a little more awesomer in my world…I got the sweetest new computer at work yesterday!  I know that all you poor bastards are probably insanely jealous.  So to help fan the flames of your envy, I’ve included some pictures of my new baby:

This is the laptop.  Since I have such a terribly demanding travel schedule, I.T. knows that I need something light and convenient, but still as powerful as my actual desktop computer.  It also has the added bonus of not just one, but TWO, floppy disk drives.  Does anyone else have that on their laptop?  I think not.

This is my new mouse.  All the buttons and switches you see are a complex system for manipulating the pointer.  It’s kind of difficult to learn at first, but when you’re as smart as I am (and I’m obviously operating at genius-level intelligence, or else I.T. wouldn’t give me such an awesome mouse in the first place), it only takes a couple of weeks to learn.

This is my “printer.”  The reason I’m putting “printer” in quotes is because I.T. keeps calling it a mimeograph.  I’m not sure what that means – yet.  They tell me that it’s one of those new “wireless printers,” that’s why there aren’t any cords.  And it conserves power, too!  That’s why it’s operated by hand-crank.  I complained about that at first, but it will give me a pretty good work-out.  Plus, no one else has their own “printer.”  Just yours truly.

While it’s not technically a part of my computer, I thought I’d also throw in a pic of my new adding machine.  Pretty tight, huh?  I especially like the fact that I.T. got me the special “Green and Gold” edition to honor my Baylor alumna status.  They know how incredibly prestigious Baylor is and what an amazing achievement it is to gain entrance into its hallowed halls and learn how to look down on people who aren’t exactly like you, much less graduate and receive a diploma.  Not many people accomplish that, so I feel that it’s only fitting that I reap the benefits of my impressive education for the rest of my life.

Last but not least, here’s a picture of the computer itself.  That’s my boyfriend, Horace, standing off to the left.  He comes to visit me every day, even though my boss said that it’s “inappropriate” and “disturbing.”  She is so totally jealous, it’s not even funny.

Because the computer is so powerful, it takes up an entire room.  Unfortunately, the only room that the company had available was down in the basement.  I thought I saw people cheering as I.T. moved my new equipment down there – it was probably because they’re so heartened by my awesome good fortune and hope that maybe they’ll get the same star treatment someday.  But they won’t.  I keep telling them that there’s only room for ONE star at this company, and that’s me.  That’s why I get my own room – not just my own office, my own ROOM – and this pimp-ass computer.

God, I’m so awesome.

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